This naturally lead me to reflect on my own life. I wouldn't say that I have ever had the largest group of friends in the whole world, but they have been really high quality ones - you know... the ones who will always be friends even if you stop calling.. and writing.. *hangs head*. I would have to say that for every stage of my life I have had one really really good friend, and a hand full of good friends. My biggest shame has been regarding my 'best' friends. In public school there was Rhiannon, in grade school and beyond there was Debra, in university there was Landon and Marisa, after university there was LeeAdam, in Texas there was Landon and Sheila, in Florida there was Steph and Carol, and now there is Dot. Pretty much I have fallen out of contact with everyone except Debra - mostly due to her tenacity! And the worst thing is that I have contact information for everyone except Rhiannon! So why is it, in an age where it has been made so easy to keep in touch with email, do I consistently opt to stay out of touch! I would not say I have ever been one to vigorously seek out people, and that is likely one of my biggest weaknesses. I also wouldn't describe myself as lonely... though if I lost T, that would definitely thrust me into that category.
I think alot of my lack of communication might stem from insecurity, because I just am not sure where the common ground is. They are, except a few, married with children. That makes you view life a little differently. It also makes it more difficult to find a good time to call. Of course perhaps a bigger point is that I just don't feel like I have anything to say! Ironic, since that's all I do here... lol. Maybe more accurately I should say that I don't think that what I have to say is going to be of interest to most people. Take this blog for instance. Until yesterday I had only told 4 people of its existence. I originally started it so that my sisters could keep up with what I was doing day to day - and they are contractually bound by blood to read it. Debra knew of it but has had trouble reading it. And I told an online friend about it. I suppose I didn't want to tell more people about it because I wanted to bear my dark soul here... but as it turns out - its more of a lavender to light blue! lol There really isn't anything on this site that I wouldn't tell pretty much anyone I know... so I think I am going to start at least giving people the option to read it... god help them! (more because of the mundane babble!)
So here I go! I am going to see if I can try and slow down and stay a little more connected to the people I know in this world... and trust that if they think I'm a pathetic nerd they will have the courtesy to not burst my bubble!